May 11, 2013

Today I decided to sit down and start reading some of the past posts I wrote. It is amazing how things change in our lives. In October 2012, we were blessed from God, a precious baby girl Sophia Hope. Beautiful inside and outside, she is such a joy in our lives. I honestly feel like God has blessed me with so much to be thankful for. Sophia was the end of many feelings for me. Many hurtful and unfinished feelings. When Paige was born, I felt like something had been taken away from me. I felt that I could never truly be happy with THAT birth as the ending of having children. I wanted so much for Paige when I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to breastfeed (solely) without starting formula, I wanted to enjoy my birthing plan with no meds and be happy about it, I wanted to hold my baby as soon as she was born, I wanted Hal and I do build on our bond by having a child with only the 2 of us with my doctor and not a room full of other people (sorry mom). I wanted it to be perfect. And although I ADORE and LOVE my precious Paige, I felt that something was taken away from me. It took me a while to grieve for the son I thought I was going to have. And it took me a while to get over the fact that I couldn't breastfeed and the fact that her delivery was anything but surprise after surprise. So when I found out I was pregnant with Sophia, I was both scared to death and also relieved to be able to hopefully have the birth experience I didn't have as my ending of having children. With Sophia, it was absolutely amazing! I am not just saying this so I can be done having children :). I truthfully could not have expected it to go more smoothly and pleasantly. I was laughing and joking with Hal between contractions, I was able to use a birthing ball and my hypno-birthing sounds. (AMAZING by the way!) 3 hours of active labor and little Miss Sophia Hope was brought into the world a little before Midnight on 10/12/12. One of the most special days EVER. I am also happy to report that on this Sunday, Sophia will have been breastfed (solely) for 7 months. My world is so happy and complete! My precious children both keep me on my toes and make me smile every single day. Owen is the sweetest boy I have ever known. He would take his shirt off his back to help anyone. He is kind, loving, affectionate and so smart. He is the best big brother. I tell him often that God only gave me 1 son because no other boy could measure up to what a wonderful boy he is. He makes me proud every day. Madison, my little spit fire. So much like her mama, stubborn as an OX. Such a beautiful little girl, inside and out. She has the heart of gold and the spirit and soul of an angel. She is such a good natured, kind and caring person. She amazes me every single day. Paige....my little crazy girl! :) She is such a funny, funny, funny little girl. She makes me smile, laugh and have to catch my breath from the giggles. She is such a fun loving, caring and good natured little one. She comes up with stuff that knocks my socks off. Love her to death! :) Sophia...oh Sophia. Such a happy, sweet and fun baby girl. She has such a cute personality. She laughs, babbles and snuggles like no other. She is my little mama's snuggle bug. Such a wonderful conclusion to having children. God blessed me. I feel my family is complete. I often pray and think about the little boy my heart once carried as my son. I think how different my life would have been if Parker would have been instead of Paige. And then I remember the joy Paige brings to this world and how she has changed me in so many ways. Amazes me how Great God is....how great a life I have and I pray that my children experience the best the world has to offer them.