Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Nervous Breakdown??

This might be what people call a nervous breakdown! LOL I am finally there. Years of over working myself or over working my brain has finally gotten me to the point where I think I need a vacation. :-)

Things on my mind. WORK! I started a new job! I love my job. I currently still do teach at Head Start but there are many things that I do not enjoy about my job. I LOVE the kids and I love teaching. That's where my heart really is but they quite frankly do not pay me what I'm worth with a masters degree. Sad but true and everyone I work with would agree. So I started a job as a behavioral specialist consultant and mobile therapist. Right now I'm doing a lot of MT hours (not a lot but some) but these all take place after school for most kids. This is so time consuming and hard to accomplish as I work all day at Head Start. So on Friday, I have an interview for another BSC job. This would would be ideal and I could quit my job at Head Start. I have to give HS a 30 day notice which will be hard to do but it would benefit my family a great deal more for me to quit and work only 1 or 2 jobs instead of 3!! I just don't know how I would be able to fit it all in. It would be about a 70 hour a week for a month. That's impossible considering Hal is gone Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday for class and clinicals. I WILL NOT leave my kids in daycare that much. It's not fair to them. So I have a lot of decisions to make. It's difficult as I don't want to screw over Headstart.

Then another topic...BREASTFEEDING! I can not believe I want to say this but I'm so done breastfeeding. Did I mention how many hours I'm working? It's impossible for me to pump as many times at it requires to keep up production. It just isn't working. What's the point of stressing me out more just to give her 1 or maybe 2 bottles a day. Then there is this part of me that says "1-2 bottles is better than none!" I'm so torn on this. I'm a HUGE breastfeeding advocate. I get on my friends who chose not to breastfeed. I totally respect their choice but hope that they at least try it. It's so much better for them. But with Paige not being able to actually breastfeed, I'm draining in all these pumping sessions. 8-12 times a day is the recommended pumping amount. I am (on a good day) pumping only 4 times. I have a life to live and kids to raise. I do NOT have the time to sit around and pump. Wish I did, God knows I wish I did!

So I'm a bit on the stressed side right now. I'm trying to juggle more things than I have the hands for. It's rough! Then there is always Owen's homework, Madison in general, taking care of Paige, NAM appts for Hal and the kids, being home when Hal is at clinicals, scheduling clients. Boy am I tired. So bear with me if I get a little grumpy!