Managing

Things are better. I can say better because I am no longer completely miserable. The doctor gave me some vicodin for the pain I was having. It made me really sick and unable to focus or function. It was hard.

I had more blood work yesterday and the results indicated that I am miscarrying okay. The numbers were cut in half in only 48 hours. So hopefully that will mean that I will not need to have a D&C.

We told Owen the news. He took it very well for as well as a 4 year old can. He said it wasn't fine but that he didn't want to talk about it. He hasn't asked anything since. I know he knows that Mommy and Daddy are upset about something but he is truly been an angel through this all. Madison does not understand and I am glad about that. She never understood that there was a baby and now that there is not a baby.

The question has been asked already, so I just will answer it. Yes we will have another child. We will wait till my doctors okay but we will hopefully have another child in the next year. I pray that this time everything goes well as I know it will. Please do not be surprised if we do not talk about having another baby as I do not know if we will be announcing the next time so soon. I now understand why people wait to tell family and friends.

Thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, or stop by to let us know your support through this. It means a lot to know that we have a wonderful support system when we need it. You truthfully know who your friends are when you experience something so awful. I am thankful for everyone who has come together for us.

The news we never wanted to hear!

As I type this, I am NOT crying, I am in a matter of fact mode. I don't believe I could cry anymore.

The day before yesterday, I began to start cramping and spot just a little bit. I worried some and then I didn't. I spotted with both my perfect pregnancies. I thought it was just something my body did for a short time and then it was over. But, then it didn't stop. I was cramping so much and it really hurt. So yesterday, I called the dr and they sent me in for a ultra sound. IN an emergency situation, the techs will not tell you anything on the screen. SO I had to wait and call my dr afterward. I did and they said that I was measuring at 5 weeks 2days. They did not see a baby or a heartbeat. They said it was probably just too soon and decided to do another u/s next week. I was not pleased with this decision but figured I would just wait. I didn't get to wait long. When I got home, I was having more spotting, only this time it was bright red. I found a babysitter and Hal and I headed to the ER. After an IV for fluids, 2 blood tests, exam, and urine test. The dr gave us the worst news ever.

My exam showed that my cervix was slightly open and there was blood around it.
My urine came back without any problems.

The worst..

My blood result came back with a pregnancy hormal scale of 376. For week 6 of my pregnancy, this number should be over 3,000!! I was pregnant but the baby was not developing for some unknown reason.

I miscarried our child. I woke this morning and the process has started. Hal and I are completely torn up about this. I am being strong because I know God has a plan for us all but this is incredibly hard and I just want to forget all about it. Our beautiful baby was not growing for some reason and now I am left with that scar.

I have many friends who have had miscarriages. I honestly never ever in a million years would have thought it would happen to me. I am healthy and take care of myself. I do the best I can. There is nothing that I did or anyone else...our baby had something wrong. I knew there was something wrong when I was not having very many symptoms of pregnancy. After 2 beautiful, perfect pregnancies, it's not hard to notice a difference and this baby was completely different.

I pray that in time God will give us a beautiful baby. I am going to the dr again this morning to discuss our issues and to make sure I am miscarrying effectively. There is basically no tissue to miscarry as he/she never actually grew big enough for that to happen.

Please pray for us. The hardest thing is going to be telling Owen that he will not be getting a baby brother. I might have tears left for that.

Love you all!

No more Diapers?

Madison has been doing really great with potty training. She is on Day 3 with only undies and she has only had 2 accidents. One was because she was sitting on the top of the bunk bed crying her little eyes out because mean old Mommy wouldn't let her down. ARG. She is really doing great though. She hates diapers and does not want to wear them. She wants her "Dora undies." I hope this continues! She is younger than Owen was when we trained him!